Day20 August 1 2013 Zoe's Morning Pages

Fear of Letting Go

Dear Zoee,

Sorry I dint get right back to you yesterday but your blog gave me the ennui(that's French for what you was feeling for most of the blog) it made me think about not doing no high jumping no more. I used to be able to REALLY jump high. With EASE. And lookin good doin it too.  I tried to jump onto a wall on my walk a while back - it's where your Mischa weeded when she was here… -but I missed the top by a whole lot AND FELL.  And that cuzzin of mine from shacago makes me feel old and irritable which reminds me of Big Dog who was really old and spit up if he drank too fast. That ain't happenin to me YET. Then on top of all my ennui, I had a have a BATH. So the stars must've been all screwy yesterday and gave us all a bad day.

I did have one thought about the dog in a sling. Instead of thinking of him as a sausage, picture him as a giant zucchini. Much better image I think.

Hope you got some good snacks today.

Pinky

PINK

You are so right-on cuz. That Jazz has a mom who is a garden just like your mom, a big garden, so zuchinni it is, much better visual, easier on the eyes fur sure. Do you say she is a garden, or she’s always in the garden or she’s a big gardener? Whatever, both them is that.

Sorry if I added to your uneasiness, its our age though, it scares us sometimes. Sometimes your just layin around minded your own business and there’ll be like a sharp pain come zoomin up your body lengthwise like a freight train. And your like Whoa, what the …. Then someone’s hanging over you mumbling something with their eyebrows all furrowed and their snout all turned down…I don’t know how they can make so many different faces with that thing, it’s a mystery aint it? Anyways then everyone gets all uncomfortable and starts makin phone calls, next thing you know you’re in some really smelly waitin room with people in long white coats runnin all around trying to poke things into all your orifices. I don’t go in for that do you Pink?

Mischa says she gets them real bad anxiety attacks when any little thing in her body or my body or b’s body is the lsightest little bit outta sync. B says its cause she’s afraid of dying. And me and Mischa says, YES we are afraid of dyin, isn’t everybody? The big unknown, is not exactly a cozy thought is it?

The void, the dark side, the eternal rest, the ultimate demise of the self….the thing we work so hard to find!!!! Passing away, deceasing, culminating, going so far over the hill no one can hear you no more. This is something B thinks we should embrace…

I don’t know about you, but I remain skeptical. I can envision a big leap into the void with a smile on my face, as long as I land in something soft and warm and smooth and full of light, I’d be good with that.

But Pink, just ‘’letting go’’ I aint there.

So for now I guess we’re stuck with these little bouts of fear.

That’s ok…We’ll figure it out soon enough.

Hey Pink, I had a dream last night about the circus, you ever been to the circus? Mischa got me one of them service dog vests, and we went one time. We dodged all the clowns and the big animals that’s supposed to live in Africa, but instead lives in cages in our country, and went to see the ladies on the trapezeses. I got an eyeful!, I’ll tell ya all about it when I sees ya next.

Anyways, I love hearin from you Pink, but I have to duck out now, there’s a little brown dachshound runnin around the incense cedars, gotta re-route that action.

Your cuzin, Zoe.

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