Sunday, September 15, 2013

Day 65 sun sept 15 SELF REFLECTION


Day 65 Sun Sept 15 Zoe’s Morning Pages
SELF REFLECTION
Well I am up and I am at it this morning. Me and Mischa had a big long tete a tete yesterday cause all sorts a things was going on inside and outside. Tete a tete is french. I dont think we are french but sometimes we like to try on different cultural attributes for size. And language is always a good starting point. It puts us in a slightly different frame of mind. Cause sometimes you need a change of frame in order to examine your mind. I never noticed this before, but now I am on it like fleas on peas, or something like that...
We was discussin how you can look at something and get this all over warm gushy feelin and then you can look at the exact same thing but on another day, and want to kill the thing! Now this may be an extreme example, but just saying, things change. Like minds, they change all the time.
Yesterday I was tryin to get real deep and personal with myself. I was askin myself some of them big important questions. You know the ones that help you get perspective on your life: who, why, where, and when are we? I’d just get nice and cozy with an answer and something would all a sudden intervene and before you know it I come up with a completely different answer!  Now that’s down right unsettlin.
Hey that flock a honkin geese just flew by again. They’re becomin like the backup singers for these pages. Plus they can’t seem to decide if they are going north or if they are going south. Now where was I... oh yeah, unsettled. Ok so here’s an example: Me and Mischa is starin at the mirror this morning, brushin our teeth. Well she was brushin her teeth I was just standin next to her pretendin. I’m examinin my physique and I am feelin pretty good about myself. My dogsuit is all white and shiny, all my black , dots is showin off real good. I’m thinkin, hey is this a good lookin pup or what? Then I hear this voice in my head sayin ‘don’t give that dog anymore food, look at her belly!’ So I look carefully at exhibit A, the belly, and low and behold...it’s bulgin! The very same belly that was a sleek, svelt, trim belly one moment prior is now a basketball of a belly, just starin back at me, real defiant like!
Then later on, I was thinkin about how many friends I got and how lucky I am to have em. Next thing you know, the very same mind, is thinkin, ‘hey where’s all my friends, I ain’t heard from any of em all week!’ So I go from content to disturbed like it’s a sliding scale at the free clinic. I don’t want to be on a slidin scale. I want to nail somethin down! Does everything half to keep on changin?
Then I was thinkin, I was put on the earth to be Mischa’s best friend, to help her navigate the landscapes of life, to hold her hand, to soothe her in times of woe, to uplift her spirits when they sink, to stand by her side in good times and in bad. Next thing I know she’s sittin across from me doin all that for me!  So I says ‘hey Mischa, that’s my job!’ And she says, “Zoemou, we’s in this thing together sister!”
I know I should take solace in those words, but I am a terrior and by my genetic code, I am destined to be concerned over and above the call of duty. Mischa says if I keep on doin my life that way, I’m gonna get a agita or something. She says my body can’t take all that worryin and stressin, I got to do some coastin instead a tryin to always be the one who’s drivin the train. “Oh yeah?” I says back to her. “Oh yeah, I mean it Zoe, somedays you need to lean on me, it’s ok, I look forward to it, in fact.”
“Wow” I say. “I got to reflect on that a while, do some chewin and some digestin, cause that’s big!”
And with that...I took my leave, I grabbed a mirror
put it in fronta my barker lounger, and took a good long look at myself.
I dint even eat no biscuits while I was doin it either.
I’ll report back tomorrow. Later


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