Day 65 Sun
Sept 15 Zoe’s Morning Pages
SELF
REFLECTION
Well
I am up and I am at it this morning. Me and Mischa had a big long tete a tete
yesterday cause all sorts a things was going on inside and outside. Tete a tete
is french. I dont think we are french but sometimes we like to try on different
cultural attributes for size. And language is always a good starting point. It
puts us in a slightly different frame of mind. Cause sometimes you need a
change of frame in order to examine your mind. I never noticed this before, but
now I am on it like fleas on peas, or something like that...
We
was discussin how you can look at something and get this all over warm gushy
feelin and then you can look at the exact same thing but on another day, and
want to kill the thing! Now this may be an extreme example, but just saying,
things change. Like minds, they change all the time.
Yesterday
I was tryin to get real deep and personal with myself. I was askin myself some
of them big important questions. You know the ones that help you get perspective
on your life: who, why, where, and when are we? I’d just get nice and cozy with
an answer and something would all a sudden intervene and before you know it I
come up with a completely different answer! Now that’s down right unsettlin.
Hey
that flock a honkin geese just flew by again. They’re becomin like the backup
singers for these pages. Plus they can’t seem to decide if they are going north
or if they are going south. Now where was I... oh yeah, unsettled. Ok so here’s
an example: Me and Mischa is starin at the mirror this morning, brushin our
teeth. Well she was brushin her teeth I was just standin next to her pretendin.
I’m examinin my physique and I am feelin pretty good about myself. My dogsuit
is all white and shiny, all my black , dots is showin off real good. I’m
thinkin, hey is this a good lookin
pup or what? Then I hear this voice in my head sayin ‘don’t give that dog
anymore food, look at her belly!’ So I look carefully at exhibit A, the belly,
and low and behold...it’s bulgin! The very same belly that was a sleek, svelt,
trim belly one moment prior is now a basketball of a belly, just starin back at
me, real defiant like!
Then
later on, I was thinkin about how many friends I got and how lucky I am to have
em. Next thing you know, the very same mind, is thinkin, ‘hey where’s all my
friends, I ain’t heard from any of em all week!’ So I go from content to
disturbed like it’s a sliding scale at the free clinic. I don’t want to be on a
slidin scale. I want to nail somethin down! Does everything half to keep on
changin?
Then
I was thinkin, I was put on the earth to be Mischa’s best friend, to help her
navigate the landscapes of life, to hold her hand, to soothe her in times of
woe, to uplift her spirits when they sink, to stand by her side in good times
and in bad. Next thing I know she’s sittin across from me doin all that for
me! So I says ‘hey Mischa, that’s
my job!’ And she says, “Zoemou, we’s in this thing together sister!”
I
know I should take solace in those words, but I am a terrior and by my genetic
code, I am destined to be concerned over and above the call of duty. Mischa
says if I keep on doin my life that way, I’m gonna get a agita or something.
She says my body can’t take all that worryin and stressin, I got to do some coastin
instead a tryin to always be the one who’s drivin the train. “Oh yeah?” I says
back to her. “Oh yeah, I mean it Zoe, somedays you need to lean on me, it’s ok,
I look forward to it, in fact.”
“Wow”
I say. “I got to reflect on that a while, do some chewin and some digestin,
cause that’s big!”
And
with that...I took my leave, I grabbed a mirror
put
it in fronta my barker lounger, and took a good long look at myself.
I
dint even eat no biscuits while I was doin it either.
I’ll
report back tomorrow. Later
http://www.micheldemetriatsouris.blogspot.com .
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