Day 35 Friday Aug 16 OBSESSION

OBSESSION

Day 35 Friday August 16 Zoe's Morning Pages

Zoe Zoë Zoë, what am i going to do with my self? I can’t stop diggin up that dang rawhide scrap of a no-good, useless, mealy, limp, poor excuse for a bone… bone. Mischa says I’m developin a nervevoice habit. Or it may have been a halibut, I’m not sure. I think halibuts got them too-tiny-to-mess-with bones. Nervevoiceness makes all the parts of your entire body act funny. Theres some tremblin and shakin, your words come out real wavy, and your stomach dont feel too good neither.
Anyways, she says she knows when I am about to start that incessant diggin thing cause I gets this real dog-on-the-dinner-table look in my eye. After that she says this real thin whine starts oozing outta me somewhere, she’s not exactly sure if its comin outta my snout or not. 
Also she says I dash around in a circle four or five times and then next thing ya know I’m diggin furiously, all four paws and my nose is at it. 
What am I lookn for? What am I lookin for? I do not know. 
Luna says if I was to do on the golfcourse what I been doin to my own yard, I’d be banned forever from the greens. Hey Luna, I don’t mean to be snide or nothing but, I aint real fond a greens anyway. I do think I catch your drift though…I’m makin a mess! I’m makin a mess and then other people are fallin into the mess and getting all tripped up. And its all my fault! 
If you don’t think this is anxiety provoking, well you got more thinks ahead a ya then. Twitchy I feel twitchy. Good thing I don’t have any licenses for firearms, I’d be dangerous. 
I gotta tell you, I do carry a gun when I am a cowgirl.  I'm not sure if it's common knowledge...but its not real! Mischa says sometimes its ok to pretend, in fact she says it's part of her daily practice!
That fake pistol comes in handy plenty a times. Now where was I? OH.
Think Zoe Think, go deep, look inside…what is bothering you? Why do you need to dig up and bury and dig up and bury the bone…for hours at a time?
Well one thing that bothers me real bad is when them short bipeds come runnin at me and screamin at the top of their lung capacity, their hands are all out in front of their bodies wigglin and pointing in my direction! That gets me going. I start headin fast for the buried bones. When I getmy head down in the hole, the little bipeds lose interest in me. Then the surge of terror can begin to dissipate into the mounds of dirt.
And another thing gets me diggin, is that hose. I don’t care for it one bit. One time B was standin there and not lookin where she was hosin, next thing I knew someone asked her a question and she twirled around real quick and shot that dang hose right into my eye! I thought I’d been blinded! I got my nose down to the ground real quick and just dug and dug and dug until my eyesight came back to me… it was like a miracle really.
Mischa says she starts diggin up bones too when she gets real nervevoice. Her nervevoice comes when somebody starts askin a whole series of questions in a Gaitling gun kinda way. She says her brain don’t work fast enough and she gets all flustered. Then she says she starts trippin over her words! Wow that's a bummer, Mischa, you could get hurt, and that makes me nervous!
Also she says her bones are worse than my bones. Her bones are the skeletal structures of her own self’s actions. Past actions of which she aint too proud. Them be hard bones to dig up wouldn’t they? When ya get em up... all ya would want ta do with them is bury them back real fast!
She says I shouldn't do that every single time. Re-bury the bones, that is.
She says sometimes I got to get one a them bones and be like a dog with it.
She says I gotta follow it around until I am the bone!  
What the hey are you talking about missus?  And I don’t think she was makin reference to the movie with Sandra Bullock and Michael Caine, but I could be mistaken.

Well I don’t do it everyday. Dig up them bones. I could go a year or more without even thinking about them bones. And yes I know I know I didn’t even blink about them until the white poodle started showin up, I already admitted that didn’t I? Well it’s reassuring to know that Mischa has the same obsession, and I am not alone. This gives us both great solace in a time of deep discomfort.

And speak of discomfort…I’m starving! I think I could talk Mischa into a little late morning snack, gotta give it a try anyway. 
Hey I’m like a dog with a bone about that, am I not? 
And aint I a dog? 
Later.

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