Zoe's Back- The Clarinet Plays On Dec 31 2014

Zoe’s Back, The Clarinet Plays On 

Finally! It happened! Music is once again filling the air in the back yard. There was some kinda moratorium goin on, but ....it seems to be over!  Huzaah!

Also we had a breakthrough with the newspaper! Mischa said yesterday the front page had nothin but good news on it. There was no tiny drops of moisture shootin out from behind that big sheet a paper, no growlin and no swearin. I coulda even heard laughin! But dont quote me on that. She says some state admitted that Obamabcare has changed the lives of plenty a people who couldnt get to a doctor on accounta the cost.  “Dont tell Boner” she said, but "the thing’s workin!”

I know we like it.  Mischa says we has twice as much coverage for less than what she paid for a catastrophe or somethin like that.  I say we, i suppose i’m covered too, but i aint sure. I am sure i get dragged to a doctor every once in a while. That aint my favorite day, and i’ll leave it at that, for now. Sometimes them doctor details is too much first thing in the morning.

Hey you’re probably wonderin why i’m in black and white in the drawin today.

WELL!  Old elizabeth says dogs dont see much color. So we did it to make a point about that, but listen up...dont tell her ....I see all kindsa acolor. Like look at that big elepahnt comin down the hall in the picture from yesterday.  

Wait no never mind.  Look at the chicken in today's pic!  No No, not the chicken.  Well let me get back to you on this.

Oh ok  look at the water behind the the lady with the clarinet!  Its blue right... Actually i can see blues and yellows, but im a little challenged by them reds and greens get a little iffy too. But paint it blue or yellow, im in!

One more thing, my cousin Pinky’s been checkin out them drawins pretty carefully and she axed me to clarify a few things.

She said “I noticed there's no picture of you sunday. I hope yous not under one a them elephant feet. I figger you're being safe and stayin outta its way

And what you sittin on in saturday's picture?  It looked like a bird bath. Empty I hope. Or maybe you got yourself a magic carpet?”

   

Pink, since you axed though, I was not under that elephant on sunday but i did purchase a flyin saucer on saturday, which is what i's sittin on in that last picture. Dont you worry none though...just between you and me, we make alot a this stuff up from thin hairs anyways, or is it thin airs....somethin like that. It is always good to ask cause mischa says sometimes life’s stranger than fiction!  

Hey....later.

Hey....later.

Zoe's Back, Bad Luck, Good Luck Dec 30 2014

Zoe’s Back, Bad Luck, Good Luck

So as I was sayin. There’s a lot a things in this world that seem perpetually lopsided, and I might go as far as to say they tip the balance of that justice scale right off its fulcrum.  Like for example them oil companies that’s hornin their way into everybody’s backyard promisin jobs, easy money, boom towns and the finer things in life. How many centuries will it take before the general public notices they been talked into their ownselves premature demise?
Old mischa’s been reading the newspaper and growlin louder than usual lately. Her sister went and bought her a new subscription to the new york times. We are in for it people. She gets that big sheet a paper up real close and personal to her snout, and then the paper starts flutterin and little sprays a spittle go flyin out from its edges and the next minute the whole dang things crumpled up in a little ball. I’d fetch it if I dint think there was maybe bad juju in there, or even some kind a coodies. Whatever.

All I hear for the next half hour is frackin this and frackin that and why cant they just hold their horses till they find a better way to get that oil and gas outta the ground without destroyin the entire continent?

She’s rantn and ravn this morning “Is that too much to ask? Is it? Really?

Sometimes she gets so riled up I think she’s gonna keel right over. And what would that prove? That’d prove that she was dead, that’s about it.

I said ‘mischa, ya gotta stay in the moment girl, its all happening right here.’

That sorta brings her back and I usually get some respectable pats for leadin her back to the light.

It don’t last long cause then her and dana get on the phone and the two a them go at it till me and old Elizabeth have to shout out ‘ENOUGH ALREADY’. 

Then she calms back down and we go for a walk, take pictures a butterflies which is becomin extinct, catch a glimpse a the last a them flamingoes, and try to find a livin coyot.  Ya know somedays its just goes from bad to worse, no matter how hard ya try to look on the bright side. Speakin a which  a ladybug flew in the window yesterday and landed on my nose!  Mischa says that’s good luck. I’m gonna see about infusin them bugs with some steroids so as we can have nothing but good luck from now on.  Or…ah... on second thought....maybe not…..maybe I better leave well enough alone.

Hey one more thing speakin a them injustices. Old bambi’s back in the news, she thinks when the judge said “It’s unconstitutional to ban ozzie and his partner from gettin married in washington county!”, that what he meant was just old ozzie could marry his boyfriend, no other gay people is covered!  Bambi, bambi, bambi  you bringin out them tiny little axes like all them greek people do when they arguin a point! It’s not gonna work this time. We hear chapel bells, and i told mischa we oughta invite you and your whole staff to the weddin to!

Hey speakin a  bad luck and good luck... i was just standin in the kitchen waitin on breakfast, and them lights was real low. I looked over and saw this big grey cloud hoverin around me. I got so scared i was frozen in time there for a minute. Then Mischa opened up the real lights, and i saw her movin and the cloud disappeared and all my good luck came rushin back in, cause she placed my bowl, full to the brim with vittles, right down in front a me.

Hey later.

Zoe's Back-Football Night Dec 29 2014

Zoe’s Back, Football Night­­

I don’t know what was goin on in your house last night, but in mine...it was football night. And in some ways that was a very good thing, in other ways...not so much.

First off there was cookin and cleanin. But since it was mischa doin the cookin and cleanin there was plenty a morsels tossed to me and there was no vacuum cleaner! That was the good news.

The bad news was the dang doorbell kept ringin and that rattles my nerves.

Every single time we went out to see who was there, that pesky puppy from next door, which should be named banshee but instead is named fluffy, he comes breakin out from underneath his fence, which he is not supposed to do, and sticks his snout directly into my private parts! Every time we answered the door!

Now that’s kinda embarassin to be sniffed over like that in fronta the company! And that was the first thing they seen when they got to our place!

I think that’s what spurred on this other not so great thing that happened. Old David, he likes to joke around alot, and he is a man, so he has one a them man senses a humor, which aint exactly politic under all circumstances. Them boys and men have a real affection for jokes on the subject of p_ _p and p_ _ ping. They never get it, that women do not share their sensibility or lack thereof. Maybe they just cant resist the reaction they get once they's on a p_ _p-related joke roll. Whatever, you put men and football in the same room for 6 hours you are gonna to be inundated with all things related to bodily functions. 

I think i already mentioned that old mishca and i, we are skataphobes! We do not take pleasure in stories relatin to bathrooms. Once that David figured out how big a skatphobe we was, he just headed on down the road straight for the subject.

He told one bathroom story after another. He was relentless, and even when we was eatin!

Finally old mischa gave in and started usin the same language. She was tossin it around the room like it was an old familiar. That sorta put a damper on the tease so eventually the thing subsided.

That’s a real good tactic i learned from her. So the last time the doorbell was rung (by them boys who is known as the redwood forest on accounta theys too tall for me to see their eyes properly, and mischa has to do a jump shot in order to give em a hug)...  I ran outside fast as i could and slipped under that fluffy’s fence and went runnin  at him from be-hind with my snout all lookin like a threatening spear. He leaped up into the air and was shreiking like a little piglet.

I scared the bees kneeses outta him, or somethin  like that. Anyway, i would not be surprsied if that put an end to the ambushin and privates-sniffin routine a his.

But back to football night! There’s a bunch a favoirte expressions that come burstin outta peoples snouts when they’s watchin this game: “C’mon man”  “Get him!” “No No NO NoNo No NO!!!” “Up the middle, lookout!”  “No Way did he grab that guy!” And these things is accompanied by one or more people springin up from their chair and flailin their arms at the tv screen. I never seen not one person on that tv screen ever say one word back to em, but they keep screamin at it anyway!

For a holiday present, the moms got  themselves a bigger rectangle to watch the football game on, I guess the teams was gettin too big for that little screen we had, and all them huge football players couldnt squeeze in.

Anyways, the other good news is this, someone bought deli meat!  That was special and I must say I got my fair share! There were plenty a pup fans in the room and I sorta laid on the ‘i’m a poor old dog just wishin for little a somethin look’. That always helps.

At the end of the day, that team from seattle won and so did them steelers, so there was a room full a happy happy green black and gold people. They dint seem to mind at all that the players never once answered any their shout outs. Personally that would a hurt my feelins...but hey its breakfast time now, so later.

Zoe's Back Elephant in the Room Dec 28 2014

Zoe’s Back Elephant in the Room

Well I danced around the obvious long enough. Mischa keeps wondering why I haven’t been talkin about old dana. That’s our best friend and her and mischa hunker down each october and have their version of r and r. That means they play music, eat, and go to the beach, until they’re all brown and they know all their tunes off my heart, or somethin like that. Well reason I aint mentioned danas visit is that, what happened to old dana on her annual florida sojourn, scared the tree jesuses outta me! Mischa got so down in the dumps over the whole thing, i’d have ta get a shovel and dig er out each morning!

Yeah, dana came here and got herself real good n sick the first day she was here!

I dont think they even made it to beach or all the way through one a their tunes!

And I know they dint eat nothin cause, dana woulda slipped me a big morsel, she always does.

Anyways she was all in the shape of the letter C when we found her in her bedroom. We tossed her in the car and ran a whole bunch a red lights, to get her to the hospital. Mischa was slingin them swear words all over the car, on accounta no one would clear the way fast enough. Anyways the long and the short of it was seven whole weeks went by before i laid eyes on that dana again. Both moms and aunt lee left me alone all day long while they was tryin to get dana to come home. Seemed like they’d rush outta here in the morning all perky and go out huntin for some good news, but every night when they got home they looked like they was losin whatever battle it was they had got themselves into.

I tried to follow the conversation but i think alot got scrambled in the translation. Bascially a whole bunch a people with color-coded coats was hoverin over old dana for almost two months, takin pictures of her insides and her outsides, then twice they lost their minds apparently mistakin her for a roast beef, and started makin them little incisions in her belly. They said they needed get a first hand look inside! But people! Really? Some white coat did that to me one time when i was younger, and it was life changing for sure. I havent been able to mate since! And not that im all that into matin, but occasionally it would be nice, all the same I cant do it, cause a them knife-wheelin white coats. So i was very empathetic when i had to watch old dana goin through it beleive me. As a matter a fact it was traumatic for the whole pack a us, and all dana’s friends up north too. We was worried sick! So that’s why I dint mention it before, its a tender subject. Me and mischa thinks the sun rises and sets on old dana’s head, so we never want anything bad to happen to her.

When dana and lee went back to their other home in pixburg, our house was so crazy quiet, i was afraid to eat, on accounta makin too much noise.

We call old dana up everyday to check on her. She still dont sound too perky though. We’re thinkin a sendin her vitamins and minerals and woo woo tonics.

Ya know we did live on whidbey island for ten years, and in california ten years before that. On that west coast one acquires a few outta the ordinary medicinal herbs and potions. I think its time to put em to the test.

We gotta get her healthy for the big day!  She and lee’s gettin hitched and they’s gotta be able to swing dance their way to matrimonial bliss at the party.

Anybody got any good pick me ups of any nature, i wouldnt mind you sendin em our way, so as we can speed up this here recovery process in time for wedding.

And speakin a weddins, mischa says i aint allow to talk about florida and bambi today...so until she adjusts her mood and i can get back on it....i’ll just head for the biscuit counter and see you later.

Zoes Back Black Dog Day Dec 27 2014

Zoe’s Back, Black Dog Day and Other Euphemisms

Hmmmmm. Mischa’s nerves is gettin thin. Or as Mr. Churchill useta say, she’s havin onea them black dog days.  I prefer she use the sideways waffle euphemism myself. At least that takes the dang thing and hangs it on an inanimate object insteada on a canine. People got lots a expressions that has to do with us dogs.  I aint so sure we deserve em all either. Like hair a the dog. Mischa says old Hipprocrates thought that one up! I dint even know them greeks had dogs! Anyways to me it feels personal, I dont like how everybody whos been out overindulgin all night starts tossin it around like its candy ‘’i’ll just take the hair a the dog’’ they say. Whatever, i guess if it works, aint no harm in it.   I should have more mercy. For sure theres a shortage of that in this world... Back to them dog sayins though, like that one raining cats and dogs people! get real, that dont happen! But still when they say it i’m all like hunkered down and shakin and lookin up at the sky for siameses and chihuahuas. That sayin scares me! Then there’s the one they love to use at every opportunity doggie-style. Now that really does get personal, that there’s private!

And speakin a private, lets get back to why old Mischa’s navigatin a rough patch.

Its on accounta that old bambi aka bondi whos holdin up the whole gay marraige thing down here in the swamp! And speakin a mercy, bambi dont got none!

Dont she know our people is: 1. just like her people, 2. loaded and cant wait to drop our well earned dollars on the peninsula and 3. numbrein about 4 million just in florida?!

 I wonder how many blondes there is, should someone jump up and decide they should be banned? Bambi, wake up bambi. We’re all the same!

Old Elizabeth just grabbed the ipad from me and checked it out! Only 2% of the world’s population is blonde! Look out you merciless little minority blonde, it could be you in the political crosshairs someday.! Aint right i tell you.

Hey now that i mention it, i aint even a person in some peoples eyes, just a dog and no one gets in my way when i go to mate! Not that i’m exactly into that...but just sayin. I could do it without gettin discriminated against!

Well its happy hour in the kitchen. Gotta shake mischa out a them doldrums. Later

Zoes Back- For Good Measure Dec 26 2014

Zoe’s Back, For Good Measure

Well as it turns out, yesterday was a big holiday! I dint see it comin, although in retrospect i shoulda. Like the potted norweigan fur tree that appeared a few days back. And old elizabeth on the patio makin rosemary-lavendar wreaths which she proceeded to hand out to people. (i dint get one, myself, but im sure theres a good reason for that). Then the two moms disappeared on tuesday and went to a party they was wearin santa claus hats with glitter on em...now that shoulda been a big clue right there, but hey!

Listen, im gettin older, not younger, and some things just slip by me these days.

Like this mornin, while the two a them was throwin red and green papers all over the family room...all a sudden i get that sixth sense that somethings happening behind my back. I spun my whole body around real quick, and guess what!

There was mischa with some old retractable device, measurin me up one side and down the other. I dont know how long she was back there, but from the list a numbers she was spoutin off, id say it was quite a while!  And i dint know it!

She said i was twice as long as i was wide. I hope thats a good sign, and not a red flag or nothin about my recent weight gain. Cause sometimes that means, less ammo

(aka biscuits to us southerners).

The point bein, I think Im losin my hearin! Worse yet, it comes and goes. Im tyrin to keep it to myself in order to avoid a trip to one a them places where dogs is subject to dickcheny-style torture. Thats what me and pinky call it! But I think theys both catchin on...

Well will cross that bridge when we come to it. For now I wanted to tell about the christmas lights! We went ridin in the car to check out the neighborhood lights. Man there was some extravaganzas out there! Talk about them bigger than life floridian ideas! One lady had an entire acre covered with blow-up everythings, santas, angels, jesuses, choirs. I think i even saw a blow up jeb bush in there standing right next to bambi!  And speakin a more than one jesus, mischa woke up this mornin quesitonin the whole nine yards about that christmas story.

Them two had quite the discussion. I aint sure what the conclusion was, but i think mischa was trying to make a point by showin us all the multiple blow up jesuses on the lady’s lawn. Like hey people heads up, there’s more in one a these jesuses! 

Somethin like that.... Anyways, I dont have too much more to add this mornin on accounta i had a lot lot a turkey and i even ate some cookies when no one was lookin, so im just gonna take it extra easy today. Im skippin the gym. Later

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Zoe's Back -Bigger Than LIfe Itself Dec 25th 2014

Zoe’s Back, Bigger Than Life Itself!

Like I was sayin yesterday....everything’s so big down here, overnight, we somehow grew bigger than New York!. I said, ‘hey mischa, i dint think nothin was bigger than new york!” She agreed, new york’s the epitome of big. But apparently them floridians, pulled another fast one and voted themselves bigger than the whole New York State and the whole entire New York City too!  Look out Big Apple, its all about the Big Orange now! next thing ya know there gonna say Disneyland’s more popular than the president Obama’s Whitehouse!  “Somebody put a call in to someone! I smell  that old anita bryant, katherine harris, butterfly ballots and them danglin chads! Whatever you do though, dont call the supreme court!. Somethins fishy in florida!”  Mischa was shakin her head real hard and diggin at the dirt.

She said it had somethin to do with all that re-districtin they do down here when no one’s lookin on accounta they’s too busy  racin around on them roads tryin to work two jobs in order to pay for their tv service! I aint exactly sure what she’s talkin about, cause she can get into a good rant and loose me real quick. In fact right after that one she starts talkin about how she and old elizabeth coundnt get married on accounta some blonde lady named bambi or bombi, or somethin like that. Mischa said bein born gay aint no different than bein born blonde!  It just happens! And what if that bambi lady was kept from marryin her love on accounta bein blonde was ruled illegal! I know alot a people is prejudiced against blondes, they could up and throw the book at them too!

What book though? Not the ‘good one’ i suppose, it’d have to be the bad one. Wonder which one that is?  the one ole Salmon Rushdie wrote? I’m confusin myself.

Speakin a books..olde elizabeth found her self a leather bound copy of a the bible thrown out right in the middle of that swamp! OOPs i mean ‘grenway’.

Yep it was all waterlogged and had a big serrated bite taken out a it! Mischa said some gator must a been tryin to get religion! Whatever...Speakin a gators, today in the Tampa Bay Times, there’s some un-informed gentleman kneelin down in front of one a them gators, and given him a great big kiss on the snout! Maybe he thought it was the pope! Anyways everythings all mixed up down here. Too big, too fast, i need a nap. Later

ps. Cousin Pinky, i know younz is concerned about how transparent my back side looked in yesterday’s drawin, but mischa says thats her artistic license, shes apparently got one a them instead a marriage license ona account us livin in florida now. So to answer your question, no i dint get struck by lightening (not yet) and (knock on wood)!  But thanks for askin!

Zoe' Back- Blow Up Santas Dec 24 2014

Zoe’s Back, BlowUp Santas

Like I was sayin, aroun here everything’s a little bigger than life itself. Like people talk with syllables that seem ta extend themselves out to infinity. Sometime you be listenin to one a these southerners speakin and your neck gets all stretched out waitin and and a waitin fur them to come to the conclusion a their word. And if yous waiting for them to finisha sentence or a paragraph, god help ya! You could die fore they get the whole thing outta their mouth!

Same thing with roads. They havin themselves a love affair with ce-ment down here.

So me and mischa we spend a lotta time on the roads tryin to get ourselves to the beach or the park in order to get offa them roads. There’s so many big things a round here and they’s all rushin around on the roads. Im thinkin thats why everybodys figurin on havin themselves a big gun or even an arsenal a guns. Everybodys scared cause a the size n speed a it all!  I know i am, scared, that is.

On our street, and we aint alone, we even got them big blow up santa clauses!

Walmart’s stock must be off them charts! and no wonder them gas prices is droppin, them petrol companies cant find a bank big enough to hold all the money theys makin from the plastic blow up santas, just on our street alone!!!! They hadda draw a line on makin any more profit this year...

Well really i know not thing one about the market so i dont know why i even went down that road. Speakin a roads...where was i, oh yeah. On our road when we go for the morning walk....all them blowup santas....THEY’RE DEAD!!!! I don know who shoots em but it seems to happen when im sleepin late at night.  Then, its like all them christian holidays decides to have a convention and presto chango em santas resurrect right back up to life just like they was the day before! it's like easter in december!

That there is what we call the Christmas Miracle!    Hey I got go check on one a them angels, i think her she might be considerin a lift off, and that wouldnt be a good idea...   she could get shot! mistaken for a ufa...  so later.

Zoe's Back Size Matters Dec 23 2014

Zoe’s Back, Size Matters and Pajama Day

Well, like I was sayin to Mischa the other day, Florida has its own sense a what matters. Like size for example, everything down here’s gotta big bigger than life itself! I aint sure how or when that happened, but it did. I can testify about it, give me a chair (they do a lot a that down here too, more on that another day)! We go on all them nature walks, cause the moms are just  f a s c i n a t e d with everything ‘natural’. I can dig it, but somedays, to tell ya the truth, it gets old!  Anyways, aint a day go by when we dont encounter some larger than life animal in the wild. You name it they got em down here. Mostly they keep to themselves, but I still feel a little intimidated from time to time. I made the pciture this morning, so as to get my point acrosst. You see that so called insect (the one on the right)? That’s the dang things ACTUAL SIZE! Can you believe that? How’d you like to encounter that at 6A.M., while your trapped at the end a rope with your moms shootin pictures at the thing, all the while its crawlin real slow like its tryin ta fool ya and its headin straight for ya!  I mean c’mon people, it aint right, somethin that size walkin around  without  a leash! Or a mom! Dang I bet the thing dont even have a license down here. Nothin needs a liscnse down here, by the way. Mischa says every tom dick and harry, has hisself a regular arsenal in their pocket, and they aint particularly happy to see ya if ya happen to be in their neighborhood when they’s just wakin up or just goin to sleep.

Im guessin the heat gets em all hot under the collar or somethin. Anyways one thing ya do need a license for around here, and my moms cant seem to wrangle one...is ta get yourself married! So i guess the message is its ok to point and shoot without any kinda supervision on accounta its all about freedom, however it aint ok to fall in love with someone who aint got a big gun!  Or somethin like, Mischa was tryin to explain it to me the other day. I think I mighta missed a part.

By the way, I guess ya noticed old mischa’s new ‘down south’ look. Yeah that’s her on the left, it aint another wild animal, if that’s what you mighta beeen thinkin.

She’s been scarin alot a people in that outfit, i do know that!  Maybe that’s why they wont give her the go ahead on the marraige thing! Anyways, she’s got one a them big fat greek ideas right now that she’s gonna grow up and be a pajama maker! Aunt lee took one look at her outfit and said, uh-oh! Old elizabeth blurted out a big ole laugh, and me, well i had to look away!  But ya gotta love her for tryin, huh.

Hey I gotta check on the ammo supply, that’s what i call my biscuits these days. When in Rome!   Later

Zoes Back, Temptation in the Garden of Eden? Dec 22 2014

Zoe’s Back,  Temptation in the Garden of Eden?

Like i said, old elizabeth thinks a that big chunk a swamp next to the house as her own personal garden a eden. She calls it the ‘green way’, and when she does, me and mischa’s shoulders rise up over our ears and we duo-cringe in utter disbelief.

‘The woman’s delusional!’  I told msicha.

‘No honey,’ she tried to console me ‘You might say she’s way more optimistic than you and me.’ Then she added, ‘delusional is a strong word, if you wanna continue to be the recipient of breakfast lunch and dinner here, i would suggest you retract that....just sayin.’

I  caught her drift, but since old elizabeth cant really hear me anyway, i thought i’d go on utterin the word delusional a bit longer just to try it on for size. Then after about an hour or so, i realized, it dint feel that good hangin such a powerful word on someone i loved so much, so i went ahead and took it back. Mind ya this all happened without elizabeth even knowin, but i felt better about it anyways.

Back to the greenway slash swamp. She tries to get us both to go out there explorin.

She has all kinds a activities she does out there. The main one is pickin up the evil asian potato vine and she instructs me in it too, “Zoe this is my nemisis, honey, when you see this yank it out!.” She makes Mischa go on potato huntin missions all the time. AND she even hired two guys who mischa aint all that fond a to come in and  help ta yank it! That makes old mischa shake her head real hard while starin at the ground and mumblin. Elizabeth’s always shoutin out at her ‘You’re Mumblin!!!”  Then Mischa says ‘You can’t hear!!!”

Then they laugh and point and hold onto their bellies real tight. I can never figure out what’s goin on when they start that routine.

But back to the swamp.... usually Mischa refuses to go in there on accounta coral snakes and cottonmouths, pythons and the dread gators too. But sometimes Elizabeth keeps on pokin at her till she agrees and off they go. I stay on the edge, tryin to keep an eye out for em. It makes my stomach hurt though all that worryin i gotta do while they’s in there. but bein a loyal pup, its my job so i do it.

One day Elizabeth goes inta the garage and comes out with these huge black rubber boots that’s about four feet tall. She washes them inside and out, all the while smilin and singin to herself. Then I hear her callin Mischa  ‘’it’s time.  i got your boots all cleaned up!’’  I hear Mischa sayin  ‘’are you sure this is a good idea maybe i changed my mind...”    Elizabeths all ‘’it’ll be fun come on you promised!”  Mischa puts her head down and starts starin at the earth again, kicks the dirt grabs a hat and a stick and a knife and a big coat (mind ya it’s about 75 degrees out) and slips them big ole boots on. Off they went.  Old lee had spotted a big tangerine tree in that swamp one day when she was walkin down the road and she made the mistake a tellin Elizabeth about it. So Elizabeth has bin chompin at the bit to get them tangerines.

Anyways it aint too long after they disappeared into the deep dark jungle that I hear Mischa say in a like a real frantic voice “I gotta get outta hear, I cant go any further!”

There’s some indecipherable conversation that takes place, then I see the two of them emergin. “I got scared in there Zoe, the leaves on the trees are as big a elephant ears, there’s vines and cypress knees everywhere that keep reachin up to trip you, the water’s up to your knees and there’s no tellin what’s lurkin in it, its black as a hat, I just coulndt do it.”

“Yeah I told ya that thing’s alive, it got a mind all its own, that swamp, we gotta stay outta it. I seen things comin outta there all times the day and night, you wouldnt believe! And they smell bad!.” I tried to console her, I think i did a pretty good job.

About an hour later though, just like things around here seem to go, something real good happened. That old elizabeth emerged victorious! She come wadin outta that swamp flailin her one hand and smilin real broad. She had a huge satchel full a tangerines. I dont eat no citrus, but it made the two a them beam the whole way acrosst their snouts.

So there ya have the good news and bad news about the swamp, and now I gotta go fetch the paper....so.....later.

Zoes Back Good Water/Bad Water Dec 21 2014

Zoe’s Back,  GoodWater/BadWater

I hear that in some people’s world there is no such thing as bad water. So now I’m guessin I must live in the opposite world. Me an water never did see eye to eye.

It all started with that big ole stinky elkhorn slough i grew up on out there in california, then there was the ragin pacific full a them big white shards and lions that lived in the sea and furry otters who ran around with chunks a brokin coke glasses eatin up all the shell fish and on top a that they had no manners what so ever when it came to matin! They near about drowned all the lady otters in the process, eek!

Myself i aint done no matin, never really crossed my mind, although dont get me wrong, i been approached, even though i’s a mutt i have a few looks!

But i’m gettin off the subject here...water...i deplore baths, although in my old age i have stopped strugglin when i get one, cause 1. it hurts to struggle, 2. there’s a lot a cooing that comes with the bath, 3. there’s plenty a after-bath biscuits, 4. the warm water has its moment of merit around the hip area and 5. mischa pets me alot more after she gets all the deer poop off my fur.

One time me and mischa and one a her paintin buddies on whidbey  went for a long walk on the beach and when we headed back home, that ole water had risen up so far, we dint have no choice but to walk right through it. Well! I pulled up short at its edge and dug in! I coulda drowned! So after about 10 minute a tryin to cajole me into dippin in, mischa finally just picked me up like i was a newlywed bride and ferryied me across! Even though i was belly up and vulnerable prey for them circlin eagles, i was all mission accomplished stayin outta the deep dark mysterious depths. And a free ride in your mama’s arms is always nice too!

So I guess if you live somewhere like where its all deserty, water could be your long lost friend, a god even, who takes mercy on ya. But for me water’s just plagued me all my years. So when we got to florida, it werent no different. First off it rained, which it aint suppose to do at that time a year, but it just went ahead and did it ad nauseam! Then there was the flood all the way around the house which required weeks of bailin and pacin and worryin, plus i could not get to the bathroom without gettin my paws all wet! Then, wouldnt ya know it, the thing that makes the stupid bathwater warm, it up and breaks!

I did hear tell that all the girls took themselves to the beach and had what they referred to as a luxurious dip! Cant imagine it myself, but they all came back lookin real pleased with themselves, specially that norwegian one, laura. So theres yer other example a good water.

Now back to the bad! Mischa says its important to dip your toes in the deep dark mysterious depths of the water cause theres a lot to learn in there. She says that’’s what she does when she’s slingin them brushes around real good and tossin colors at the wall. She also says it scares her! And then she says cause it scares her she has to do it more! I dont know people, seems like ya’ll has digested some a them medicinal plants in the jungle or somethin, the way yer logic presents itself.

Personally, I take a look now and again at my bellybutton, in the privacy of my bed. I dont need no water to get to it. But that’s just me. Hey its walk time, so....later.

Zoes Back Surprises in Swampland Dec 20 2014

Zoe’s Back,  Surprises in  Swampland

To say we made a soft landin after the long hard trip across, would be an out and out lie. But I dont wanna whine or nothin first thing in the mornin so I’ll try to lay it out gently.

We arrived at longleaf lane at noon on september 24 2014. Im thinkin, nice enough name...and im thinkin, this is where heather and todd toss out all them great meatonthebone prizes, aint it?! And im also thinkin ‘get me outta this van, people!”

So we all pile out the van and the truck from Africa. Everybody’s joints is makin loud clickin sounds, I thought it was bugs in the woods next to the house, but it wasnt.

Speakin a the woods next to the house, that’s what ole elizabeth calls the greenway and me and mischa we call it the snake-infested-alligator-hotel. Its a point a contention in the new house...

Anyways, since we all been cooped up for so long the girls wasted no time emptyin that African truck out, so there’s boxes and furniture and paintins flyin in all the doors they could find.

Suddenly I hear a big yelpin sound comin out from behind the house. My hearts racin, I think its Mischa maybe met up with one a them prehistoric dinosaurs or somethin, cause our neighbor todd he had a big ole 10 foot gator in his yard last year! So everybody drops whatever they had in their hands and runs around the back. A huge cloud a sand blew up into the air as we all screeched on our brakes and pulled up to a big lake that Mischa was standin in! A big lake that wasnt there when we left last year, and a big lake that seemed to be seriously thinkin about crossin the threshold into mischa’s studio!

Ole Misha she was madder than a hatter, she was runin her fingers through her hair and spalshin around in the lake. She had a big bucket in one hand and a rectangle in the other pleadin with someone who none of us could see, and who seemed to be stuck inside the rectangle!

Roxy and Laura and Elizabeth all grabbed buckets and shovels and pipes and brooms and started movin the lake this way and that, tryin to coax it away from the house.

Now havin Roxy here made it all real interestin cause she can outpace Mischa by lightyears. And she can wring her hands and twirl her hairs and grind her teeths with the best a them, tryin to chew on somethin till she comes up with the perfect solution. So that there was its own spectacle! Too bad sally wasnt here to watch her mom’s outstanding performance!

As Mischa knows, I dont take kindly to water, so I sorta kept my distance from the whole thing.  That was a big plus for me too, cause Mischa had no idea how many meatonthebones old todd and heather had left me at the edge of the so called greenway. I had quite the unsupervised feast! Anyways after about two weeks of foolin around with the thing some big noisy guy full a hisself comes along and builds us somethin called a swale. Cept he dint know it was a swale and he kept callin in a swell. Whatever, turns out the lake dried up and this part a the story had a happy ending!

I got a lot more to tell, so until later...later!

2014 Zoe's Back, Greek At Large Dec 19 2014

Zoe’s Back, Greek At Large

Ok, I just remembered something fun that happened. We get to Vicksburg and everybody’s draggin real bad on accounta we dint have no food or water for about a thousand hours. And the van and the big giraffe truck circle around this old town lookin for a diner. Everybody’s got their head in their rectangles tryin to communicate with somethin called yelp and it anit cooperatin. Then somebody finds the best ‘’best diner in vicksburg’’  Jim’s Diner. So we go find Jim’s and it looks pretty much like the resta the town, shut down. No not shut down but real dark and tired and long in the tooth, shut down. But you know Mischa she dont say no to nothin, especially if the diner is named after her dear father.... so she gets out and pokes around. Lo and behold, right there perched on the edge of the Mississippi river is Jim’s diner and it is open for business! Just dint look like it.

So we pile out and we all get some interestin looks from the locals, most a whom are workin in there, sorta. I guess we dint exactly look like typical southern ladies saunterin in there half crazed from the incessant drivin, and the big weight hangin on us all.

Anyways theres a big guy in the middle of the place pointin and wavin at the waitresses, directin traffic i guess. We come to find out this is the owner, and his name aint Jim! It’s Gus!   Gus, Mischa says to herself, hmm.   Then we start orderin food and theres rice pilaf, rice pudding, grilled fish, green beans in tomatoes  garlic and onion sauce.  Mischa keeps on hmmming to herself. Then she hears Gus talkin Greek! right there in the middle of Vicksburg, and he’s doin it with a big brawlin southern accent! Egad, she said to me, that aint really right. Anyways turns out old Gus is quite a character and he’s got pictures all over his wall of movie stars and politicians, writers and musicians, all kinds a famous people who stopped in over the years. And his daughter Koula’s  featured in most a them. She’s there lookin like they is all old buddies from way back.               

Yeah Laura starts talkin to Gus and we was there for about three years listenin to his stories. Sounded like he had quite the life:

he had movies shot in his diner; president’s kissin babies; bank robbers hidin out; jealous husbands shootin up the place; ship captains gamblin their fortunes away in the back room; a few ‘ladies of the night’’ livin upstairs; and oh yeah, he ran an orphanage too in the building next door!

I guess ya just cant judge an old book by its cover, cause if youda seen that place just drivin around like we did, youda never thought twice about it.

But we all had a real good lunch and left with a bellyfull and an earfull to last us the rest of the trip. 

After that, I think we all felt a little of the weight liftin off us. Cause we creaked open ourselves to old Gus, and he did it back. Made leavin home a little less painful for a minute.   Anyways  I gotta go on my nature walk, so   until later!   

Zoes Back, On the Road Dec18 2104

Zoe’s Back, On The Road

Well we headed onto that ferry and Mischa snuck me up onto the deck where dogs aint suppose to go. She said it was the last boat out for a long time and I should join em up top. I am usually down below where there’s a terrible grumbling sound comin outta the belly of the boat. I spend the whole crossin shakin like some kinda possessed pup. I seen it on tv once, these old ladies and their dogs too shakin and cryin and yellin real loud up at god like he was torturin them or somethin. Anyway that’s how it is in the down below so I was real happy to get sneaked onto the deck and wave goodbye.

Once all the commotion was over at the house and we were en route to the swamplands, everyone seemed a bit dizzy. Questions got asked but then it seemed like eternity passed before anyone could answer em properly. Normally on these long road trips we listen to music and sing. But not this time. We did a lot of starin out the front winda, and alot of noddin. Every once in a while Roxy and Laura passed us up in the big aluminum turtle and giraffe truck. They was always smilin and wavin. I started ta think maybe I was in the wrong vehicle, and tried politely to ask if I could ride with the other ladies. I dint get too far. So the three a us stuck it out.

Nobody had much of plan for this trip so we sort of played the whole thing by ear.

Unfortunately it appeared that the whole lot of us had gone prematurely deaf.

So we sorta aimlessly made our way across the continent.

First stop was the Columbia River Gorge. It’s name is beautiful, so we couldn’t go wrong with a visit there. I got a big long walk on the bluff above the river with Mischa.  All the other girls went visitin the ‘art museum in the middle of nowhere’. And olde Elizabeth bought us all some lunch at the cafe.

Mishca aint much for art museums lately, Olde Elizabth says she’s takin an art tantrum. Personally I think it’s deeper than that, but i aint broachin that subject with her til she’s good and ready. I love my head.

After about a million hours, we landed at a real nice hotel, always the highlight of these cross country adventures. Some people went for a swim and some a us just hung out and ordered up room service, put our feets up and took a nice long nap.

Basically speakin, except for the dip into the big gorge, where Roxy and olde Elizabeth went explorin caves. The drive wasnt that excitin, there was some big weight pressin down on everybody. No one could name it, so it just kept on presssin.

One big fun thing we did, was stop to visit the cousins in denver In fact i thought maybe we was gonna move in with them. It was real cozy in there and fun. There was another dog there too, she’s even older than me. So we got to have a nice long chat about gettin on in age and all that.

Oh man I almost forgot..... Mischa calls up the ladies in the truck, and we screech to a halt at this big ranch. I dont know where we was, Texas, Utah, New Mexico, its all a jumble now. But I thought “Egad! we did go to Africa! I hope they aint plannin on dumpin me here!”

There was ostriches and camels and buffalos and emus and cobras, and a blue footed boobie!. I think all the countries in the world maybe tripped and some a there contents landed at this here ranch and couldnt get out.

We ordered vegetarian lunches, as per usual and that was the last time we ate out until we got to Florida. There was a lot a ant acids being passed back and forth I even took one cause I has the hiccups real bad!.  

All to say the ride was long and hard, but we made it!  More later.